Z: You know what, this time, i means, this 6 months, for me is “ridiculous”. It’s routine, peaceful, but something inside me isnt like that. Even cant name it out, like… i cant write down what i’m feeling recently as i usually did. Something like, empty. I dont know. I can’t call it out, and its annoying me in some way.
M: Empty? An unfulfilled?
Z: Im feeling something, alot, its just … i cant name it
M: I cant help if you cant explain
Z: My friend said this happened sometimes for people in a short trip, or uncertainty. I wish i can tell. It’s not negative thing for sure, just.. not happy or sad, just .. nothing. Sometimes i was crying for no reason, jesus.
M: Well, crying for no reason usually indicates somethings not quite right
Z: Thank God it no indicates im getting mad. My friend said she was the same during her business trip to Malaysia, and add more to “Its rather a long trip or forever one, you will never face to this kind of emotion. But short trip and in isolated place like here, it would happen”. Usually i write all the time what i feel but recently, it’s so bad because i cant.
M: Talking and sharing helps, and writing does.
Z: Let’s see how i deal with this
Z: You traveled and worked in many places, you ever felt it?
M: Oh yes. It means something not quite right.
Z: What is “something”?
M: That’s for you to figure out! I cant tell you because i dont know.
Z: So you’re just like me, haha, feel something but know nothing.
M: Then, not now.
Z: So all i need to do right now is waiting for the end?
M: Nooo, the feeling may go away but the underlying something is still there
Z: I hope it does. I like to name my feelings clearly, and experience more feeling. This “cant” just makes me soooo annoying.
M: It’s not supposed to be easy